Revealing More

Loneliness: we picture romantic solitude, but a lack of connection can show up in all of our relationships, whether familial, platonic, communal, or those with the self. Humans are relational and social beings, despite what your introvert friends may tell you. Research links loneliness to more fatal health outcomes (one study found as much as a 27% increase in mortality risk, though I’d venture that the reality is much higher).

I agree that loneliness is a killer, but I’m not certain the real issue is a lack of company. To be a bit more nuanced, I think we are suffering from not feeling seen in our relationships.  

It’s less of a “you” problem and more of an issue of culture. Loneliness is treated as an issue solved by doing more; download another app, fill up your weekend, pick up another hobby, etc. I strongly feel that loneliness is treated not by doing more, but by revealing more.

The most intimate thing we can ever attempt is to peel back all the layers of who we are – untwining ego, pride, insecurity, and fear – and stand bare before someone; similarly, the most intimate thing they can do, is to say, “I see you, and I understand.”

That’s how we cure loneliness. You don’t need to host an enormous party and you don’t need to be the exciting extrovert in your friend group.

We ease loneliness when we drop the fear of who we think we should be.

Invite yourself to show up, drop all pretense and allow yourself to be accepted or rejected. Be honest about your mistakes and your strengths and your choices. The reception may surprise you and you might inspire someone else to be courageous too.